Disclaimer: First of all, people: fear no evil. I'm not killing myself no more, differently from what's depicted on the poem. Let me tell you guys a short story on why I've created the poem and why I've decided to release it now.

Weird things are happening to me. Bizarrely enough, I've faced two occurences on which the EXACT same pattern occured: I proposed to do something, everyone that knew me was sure that I'd be able to complete the "task" I've imposed to myself, EXCEPT for me. I was pretty sure, on these both cases, that my own vision towards the world would be my downfall, even if my vision was not "my vision". I was correct, on these both accounts. Thus, a feeling of helplessness hung over me - I was feeling truly devoid, as I did not feel in years (more precisely, 5 years). I've REALLY pondered about suicide, although I didn't want to die (ironically enough, as I told Monkey, I wanted to kill myself, but I didn't want to die, although I had to truly killing myself while unconsciously leaving a backdoor so I wouldn't end up dead, unless I made a mistake). However, there's a stupid saying that states "time heals all wounds". That was pretty much what happened - I'm seeing the small blessings of my own curses (unfortunately enough, my doublethinking stopped me from noticing the basic universal law that I've stated myself) as time goes by. I'm not fearful of posting this poem right now because NOW it means nothing more than art, than an expression that's only true to the "writer", but not to the writer himself.

Try to get all of the references. I've inputted a large share of WoN references that you guys MUST get, I order you. Let's start.

The Last Hour, The Last Stand

Scrawl the words,
Suicide note.
Kill the problem, before it goes downhill.
(Nil.)

Bother, touch,
See yourself in clear(ly) light.
People? Don't bother,
Continuous nuisance of reality.

Detach the soul, soar,
Ashen flames rise up above,
Why not die when life is so empty?
K., I don't have reasons to pursue immortality no more.

Drop, drip,
Eternal reap. Of despair,
Alive, in pair.
Lying in wait, forlornly, for the sake of the reference before my existence is undone.

Crossing Chaos matter to me
And, even though I'm Taylor, I'm Lost,
Waiting for the Shadow of undying Death to untangle these knots,
Hoping I can get for once on my Fraülein's arms.

A sparkling Moon of up above,
The ethereal enlightening for Phillip Hanner, at once
Bard of black, bar the life
Killing yourself in this last strife.

Even though I'm depressed, I'm not sad
(Kanashi.)
Hope to drift on these clouds, being again the elf
(Only my true friends know the meaning of this one.)
If I rebirth, phoenix on flames,
Maybe everything will be the same,
(BUT I DOUBT IT.)
Rebirthing is hard to find, Kehl,
And once I go to MU
(You know what I'm talking about, Bruno, Amanda, Lara)
Maybe I'll find my answers,
Maybe I'll find my reason.
I just can't lose these references,
So I don't lose myself.
My frail, strong body, my light-dark hair,
Quod me nutrit, me construit
"Abzurdah" feelings of sharpeners,
SI is imbound, staining the pages with crimson red.
Meta-writing comes now to play, now listen to what I'll say,
I'll post this on Facebook, on your e-mail, on WoN,
Because I care about what people think of me.
And if I ever told I didn't, I lied.
I want people to get all of the references, so I can die peacefully,
Untouched words of puzzled protection. I do that because
I want to kill myself, but I don't want to die.

This acts as my insurance,
I know I'll leave a flaw on my suicide
So I can kill myself and be reborn
But if I end up dead,
Please note that I'd miss you if I said that before,
Even if I was stupid senseless, sore.
A stylish death with a lot of gore
Is everything I could ask for,
Even if the death is a metaphor
To explain my state of undying bore
I will still hope people remember my lore,
The story of a man like never seen before.

Tomás, I still hate you,
And I'm glad I helped you, Lee,
But this world has no place to people like me,
They hate to let you really free.

I disrupt the convention,
They diminish my redemption,
In this world of delight-prevention
De-Lighting my head is my salvation.

It will all happen on February 12th,
Reserve your seats and grab your popcorn,
Watch the monster than never accomplished,
Fearful of his own destined destiny.

Just some days until it crumbles,
Life-in-boars-adrifting-far.
Locking the true perception, the true words,
My verbosity dies with this poem.

"My Tourniquet" was my training,
"My Last Stand" might be as well,
If God-Or-Devil, Devil-Entails-Vile-Idle-Life really exist as people think,
Expect to find me in Hell.
A non-believer, anon-ymous,
Waiting for the undying unignominiousness of life
(Was that the chosen word?)
Waiting for the metaphorical injection of air,
Bloody gashes spout from wrists.

I don't want to rush perfection,
So sit there and wait quietly,
12/02, 20:21, 2012, triple anagram,
Ironically expecting for the world
To end.

Wow.. extremely touching. Quite long, but I'm glad I took the time to read it. I really loved it.

Monkey did tell me that you were planning on suicide on that day, but I dismissed him as being stupid. I guess that guy is a suicide magnet.
I'm glad you decided otherwise.

i know how are you feeling. the darkness can be powerful, but you have to defeat it. because the world is beautiful. i don't know if you believe me, but i am sure that everything will be good.

i know how are you feeling. the darkness can be powerful, but you have to defeat it. because the world is beautiful. i don't know if you believe me, but i am sure that everything will be good.

I'm sorry if I am too harsh on this reply in advance. Maybe some of these words will be thrown a bit too heavily, so I'd like to apologize before that happens.

The fact is you don't know how I'm feeling, and the reality is that you'll never will. I, even though while being myself, am not myself, so trying to guess who I am on a determined moment requires a lot of factors that you don't have access to.

I've been on both sides. I mentioned on the disclaimer that 5 years ago, my world crushed. I was not engulfed by darkness, but was darkness itself, for that time being. I know how it is to live on the "corridor", as I've described to some suiciders. I believe that generalizations are stupid. Saying that you always have to push darkness aside and always face life as beautiful is one of those stupid generalizations, as far as I see. The world is not ALWAYS colorful and bright; the darkness is not ALWAYS despairing. Sure, there will be cases on which the conditions will work like that, but you can't determine that without forethought.

Ironically enough, this poem mentions one person that mentioned willing to suicide (although he never really pondered about it seriously) and another person that I've prevented from killing himself. Ironic, huh? Mentioning a person that I've saved from the fate I was displaying on this "pseudo-letter" is not what people would call "righteous". Everyone believes in setting examples, so let me say something else: I don't believe in examples. Each and every person is a microcosme, reacting differently on different circumstances. So, how can one think so highly of himself, to the point of thinking he is the center of the world and that everyone else should follow his or her pattern?

I indeed do not believe you. The world CAN be beautiful and everything CAN be good, but not everything is super-bright and rainbow-puking everytime. There's something called meta-stability - the world reaches a balance, even though that balance is always in motion, varied by a plethora of factors. Mania and Dementia live there, coexisting, all the time. (reference, anyone?)

You would do well as a psychologist, I see. However, on my opinion, as well, most psychologists suck when it comes down to helping people when they want to suicide. The reason is simple: they are too pragmatic. The person that wants to kill himself ALREADY knows everything that's going to be said ("think about your family and the people who love you!", "life is beautiful, despite of the eventual hardships you'll face!" and so on). Empty words, devoid of change, do not help anyone. The first person I've ever helped from commiting suicide, I've done by taking him on the offbeat, by angering him. The second one, by surprising him on ways he did not think possible. People that want to kill themselves need a new insight, not the old words everyone say; they need something they don't know and that will INDEED make a change on how they think. I've discovered my method was indeed "correct", you'd say, when I read an amazing book here in Brazil called "O Vendedor de Sonhos", which was written by one of the greatest psychologists in Brazil. The first scene of the book involves a suicide attempt. The only person that prevents the guy from killing himself does such by... going to the floor they're going to jump and started eating a sandwich. Surprised much? The suicider also was. Then he starts saying he's there to sell a "comma", so the guy can continue writing his life story instead of merely using periods as he always do. Note there's no reference to the common clichès we face nowadays.

Again, sorry if I was a bit harsh, but I don't like when people try to help suiciders on ways that usually don't work on our current society. Fun fact: one day, one person got me out of depression by merely saying when I was crying: "whoa, your eyes get blue! I never noticed that!". The change of subject was a tad surprising to me, giving me the opportunity to regain terrain.

TL;DR version: if you want to help a suicider, surprise him (not necessarily scare him, huh!). Empty words do not usually work. By only being a true human being, not a "idealistic god of imagery", one can save another human being.

i know the life isn't only sugar and honey. i felt it a long time ago. i am sorry if let this sensation. but the real opponent is yourself. i know it can be hard (i felt this too) but you have to defeat yourself to view new ways. this time, i don't say that the life is beautiful or ugly. i say that you are the architect of your life. or you choose to destroy the city, or you repair and build the buildings.

i know the life isn't only sugar and honey. i felt it a long time ago. i am sorry if let this sensation. but the real opponent is yourself. i know it can be hard (i felt this too) but you have to defeat yourself to view new ways. this time, i don't say that the life is beautiful or ugly. i say that you are the architect of your life. or you choose to destroy the city, or you repair and build the buildings.

I understand what you're saying, but I feel like you didn't get what I said. I said that each case is a case - "defeating" yourself, as you said, is not always the best solution. There's sometimes a beauty in the destruction, the same way there can be beauty in the construction. People underestimate the ones that enjoy the darkness, the silence, the introspection, while I believe that both sides are needed and bear the same value. I think that the current culture, which states you "need" to feel happiness and that you always have to defeat the "dark" feelings, is somewhat biased and close-minded, for it does not take into account different people on different situations.

Life is a contradiction. If you stop contradicting yourself by being "total", then it's no longer a real life, as far as I see. You need to embrace both sides at the same time, rather than fully "constructing" or "destructing" yourself. Meta-stability.

you are right. even the assassin's from assassin's creed in a speech they say "we work in the dark to serve the light". yes, you are right too, you don't have to become what the others want. and yes, you have to be a part of the dark and a part of the light. because the peace without the chaos, or the light without the dark it's impossible. this can destroy all the rules. you can choose the good things from the both sides, to become powerful. and the feelings are like the dark and the light. but you can control them, because we have conscience.