Topic: Taylor: A Re-Poetryction

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  Posted on April 26, 2015 at 4:10 AM
2 thumbs up
#1
Taylor, The Manipulative Tactician of the Darkness

Contribution: 1,189 (1,010 + 179)
Joined: February 19, 2010
Sorry, guys, had to do that with all the re-introductions appearing here. xD

I've written something new, due to things that are happening in my life (like always) and I decided to share it with you guys. This is a tad... different from what I used to write, albeit strangely similar in the same time. Are you ready?

Stockolm Parasite

Absolute infection, ready to devour
Meet your demise, your final hour
I'll suck you dry and make you faint
Your story in red I'll paint.

'Cause everything I've been so far
Is a burden, a field of war
Stained in crimson seeping liquid
Purveyor of world made insipid.

I am the Stockolm parasite,
No way to escape my bite.
On you I'll surely feed
For me you'll want to bleed.

I am the Stockolm parasite,
Grasped within my might
In you, eternal vice,
You'll be my sacrifice
And pay the blood price.
Don't take my advice... now.

My victims don't know a thing but that,
How to be my master-pet,
I destroy all life, a rogue,
I am the sickness, a plague.

There's no escape from this
I am the death of you.
Amidst your listless bliss
Your flesh I gnaw and chew.

I am the Stockolm parasite,
No way to escape my bite.
On you I'll surely feed
For me you'll want to bleed.

I am the Stockolm parasite,
Grasped within my might
In you, eternal vice,
You'll be my sacrifice
And pay the blood price.
Don't take my advice... now.

THERE'S NO ESCAPE,
FOR ME YOU WANT TO GIVE YOUR LIFE.
A SYSTEM $*#@,
I'LL BE THE CAUSE OF YOUR DEMISE.

Unwillingly, unable, I'll watch it all fall,
Powerless, hopeless, I am the bell of final call,
The last toll,
The destroyer of your soul.

I am the Stockolm parasite,
No way to escape my bite.
On you I'll surely feed
For me you'll want to bleed.

I am the Stockolm parasite,
Grasped within my might
In you, eternal vice,
You'll be my sacrifice
And pay the blood price.
Don't take my advice... now.

Don't take my advice,
Pay for it no heed.
My allure is of entice
In the hour of darkest need.
You think I will suffice
And then will be mislead
That is what I devise,
The way on which I breed.

Just don't take my advice...
Never take my advice...
Don't ever take my advice...
Don't take my advice... now.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE - The censored word refers to a crime composed by forcible, unwanted sexual relation.]


Elevation - The Rise of the Mercenary
Show me the gold and I'll show you victory.
  Posted on April 27, 2015 at 2:23 PM
1 thumbs up
#2
RagicanoX, The Black Inferno

Contribution: 1,467 (1,261 + 206)
Joined: April 3, 2010
Spittin' hot fiya again I see...
Well then, welcome back bro ski
The forums just got something major
The full return of the one called Taylor
  Posted on April 27, 2015 at 5:12 PM
#3
edwinas5524, The Untouchable Swordsman of the Nobles

Contribution: 2,382 (2,161 + 221)
Joined: February 11, 2011
nice to see you here again again isn't it a bit too soon for this?
  Posted on April 27, 2015 at 9:24 PM
#4
Taylor, The Manipulative Tactician of the Darkness

Contribution: 1,189 (1,010 + 179)
Joined: February 19, 2010
edwinas5524 wrote:

nice to see you here again again isn't it a bit too soon for this?


Why would it be too soon? xD


Elevation - The Rise of the Mercenary
Show me the gold and I'll show you victory.
  Posted on April 27, 2015 at 11:27 PM
#5
lucaslost, The Lost Wolf of the Winter

Contribution: 1,633 (1,374 + 259)
Joined: March 4, 2010
Hi bae

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
R.I.P. Malena Chevy ~♥
  Posted on April 28, 2015 at 1:51 AM
#6
Taylor, The Manipulative Tactician of the Darkness

Contribution: 1,189 (1,010 + 179)
Joined: February 19, 2010
lucaslost wrote:

Hi bae


Hi, Wolfy! o/


Elevation - The Rise of the Mercenary
Show me the gold and I'll show you victory.
  Posted on April 28, 2015 at 8:19 AM
#7
edwinas5524, The Untouchable Swordsman of the Nobles

Contribution: 2,382 (2,161 + 221)
Joined: February 11, 2011
Taylor wrote:


(...)

Why would it be too soon? xD


because this game is still dead and just some of vets check this out? .....
  Posted on April 29, 2015 at 2:36 AM
#8
naruto-leaf, Swordsman

Contribution: 2,005 (1,806 + 199)
Joined: January 28, 2011
Welcome back and nice piece a little too long but it's still good.
Removed for ???
  Posted on April 30, 2015 at 2:55 PM
#9
Shooter94, The Respected Veteran

Contribution: 852 (747 + 105)
Joined: February 19, 2010
You've got my thumb here as well, Tay. Nice to accidentally check the forums and see all of you guys o/


Justice to the one referred to as the future mod! ~hot anonymous person
I am hot and anonymous too =]
  Posted on May 1, 2015 at 12:25 PM
#10
Theslimer3, The Innocent Kid of the BETA

Contribution: 333 (260 + 73)
Joined: February 24, 2010
I was just thinking of you last week
  Posted on May 8, 2015 at 3:30 PM
1 thumbs up
#11
rurudo66, Hunter of Hanto

Contribution: 1,476 (1,274 + 202)
Joined: April 12, 2010
This seems more like a song to me than a poem. Not that the two mediums don't share some similarities, but I definitely envision this more as a metal/hard rock song than a poem. It's pretty good if that's what you were going for, as a poem, I'm not sure how well it works. The dark imagery kind of reminds me of Ginsberg's "Howl," (which, if you haven't read, I would highly recommend), but it doesn't manage to capture the relentless nature of that poem, which pushes image after image after you in a constant flow of debauchery and madness. I would say that this poem (if taken as a poem) is limited by what structure it has. I think the rhymes in the poem are a bit of hindrance at times, and the poem could use less of them. Especially glaring to me is the vice/sacrifice/price/advice. It seems too heavy handed. Remember: rhyme can enhance a poem, but it can also do the opposite. Clearly you don't have a strict structure, so don't limit yourself by forcing yourself to rhyme. The rhymes actually become more potent if you use them sparingly. I definitely think the poem has potential, there are some cool images and lines (I like the liquid/insipid pairing; if you do revise it, that would be a line I'd keep).
Epicurus wrote:

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?

Marcus wrote:

Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.

  Posted on May 8, 2015 at 9:21 PM
#12
Taylor, The Manipulative Tactician of the Darkness

Contribution: 1,189 (1,010 + 179)
Joined: February 19, 2010
rurudo66 wrote:

This seems more like a song to me than a poem. Not that the two mediums don't share some similarities, but I definitely envision this more as a metal/hard rock song than a poem. It's pretty good if that's what you were going for, as a poem, I'm not sure how well it works. The dark imagery kind of reminds me of Ginsberg's "Howl," (which, if you haven't read, I would highly recommend), but it doesn't manage to capture the relentless nature of that poem, which pushes image after image after you in a constant flow of debauchery and madness. I would say that this poem (if taken as a poem) is limited by what structure it has. I think the rhymes in the poem are a bit of hindrance at times, and the poem could use less of them. Especially glaring to me is the vice/sacrifice/price/advice. It seems too heavy handed. Remember: rhyme can enhance a poem, but it can also do the opposite. Clearly you don't have a strict structure, so don't limit yourself by forcing yourself to rhyme. The rhymes actually become more potent if you use them sparingly. I definitely think the poem has potential, there are some cool images and lines (I like the liquid/insipid pairing; if you do revise it, that would be a line I'd keep).


I forgot to paste the original disclaimer that I put on Facebook! xD

But, yes, I was going for a hybrid song-poem. My original disclaimer stated the following:

"Disclaimer: hello, guys! Long time no see, eh? Well, the will to write poetry returned, and I've created one piece that I really enjoyed.
There are some melodic elements on it that I hope were made clear, but poetry is a tricky thingy. You might even call it a song-poem, so to say, although I'm not sure if I could transcribe the feeling of this piece into beats.
Ready? One, two, three, four..."


Elevation - The Rise of the Mercenary
Show me the gold and I'll show you victory.
  Posted on May 8, 2015 at 10:09 PM
#13
rurudo66, Hunter of Hanto

Contribution: 1,476 (1,274 + 202)
Joined: April 12, 2010
Taylor wrote:


(...)

I forgot to paste the original disclaimer that I put on Facebook! xD

But, yes, I was going for a hybrid song-poem. My original disclaimer stated the following:

"Disclaimer: hello, guys! Long time no see, eh? Well, the will to write poetry returned, and I've created one piece that I really enjoyed.
There are some melodic elements on it that I hope were made clear, but poetry is a tricky thingy. You might even call it a song-poem, so to say, although I'm not sure if I could transcribe the feeling of this piece into beats.
Ready? One, two, three, four..."


Ah, that makes a lot more sense. Well, those melodic elements definitely do shine through!
Epicurus wrote:

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?

Marcus wrote:

Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.