Posted on March 22, 2011 18:22
Overview of Original Text
Dante Alighieri, an Italian politician and poet back in the Middle Ages, wrote an epic poem called Inferno. In the poem, written in a rhyme form called terza-rima, Dante travels through Hell because he wants to see how he can improve his living standards in order to evade getting sent to Hell and not experience the punishments the sinners in their specific Circles/levels get.
The poet has divided Hell into nine different Circles depending on how harsh he thinks specific sins are. The farther you are down in Hell, the worse the sins get and the punishments. Each Circle has their own guard depending on their characteristics. Those guards are mostly copied from Greek mythology but adjusted to each level; the guards keep everyone in order and punish anyone who tries to escape.
During the story, Dante has a guide that shows him around Hell. His name is Virgil, a Roman poet who was placed in the Circle of Limbo; people that did not believe in God and get punished by grieving forever. As Dante decides to travel to Hell, Virgil was ordered by Beatrice, who is in Heaven, to help out Dante on his journey.
Dante is illustrating Hell in many categories in which different sinners fit in. He shows what will happen to someone if they don’t behave and follow orders. Further on, he wants you to think about your living standards and figure out what to do to not get sent to Hell and get placed into Heaven.
Introduction of the Newer Version
In the rewritten version of Inferno, Dante is represented by Charlie Sheen, a former actor for the television show Two and a Half Men. Charlie Sheen was recently sent to rehabilitation due to the fact that he has been taking drugs, such as cocaine, in massive amounts. By doing that, he ruined his life by getting fired and his children being taken away from him. However, Charlie Sheen is still keen enough to keep on living after all he’s done and been through (drugs, sex orgies, aggressions against his ex-wife).
Virgil is represented by Heath Ledger also an actor who died of drug overdose in 2008. He will be Charlie’s guide through Circle Two, the Lustful. The Lustful is a sub-category of the main Circle named “Incontinence”. Incontinence means to be unable to control oneself.
The reason why Heath guides Charlie through Circle Two is because Charlie cannot control himself and the actions/decisions he makes. One after another, Charlie arranges sex orgies with porn stars; cocaine included too. Charlie could have just stopped and could have decided to get help by himself, but it had to come to the point in which he was ordered by the court to go to rehabilitation. A few weeks later he was found sniffing cocaine again.
In this version of Inferno, Heath (Virgil) wants to show Charlie (Dante) what will happen to him if he does not stop his behavior and lifestyle. Charlie has control over his actions which he keeps on deciding to do, but refuses to keep on doing the same mistakes.
The Newer Version of Dante’s Inferno
As his intoxicated, half-naked body started to shiver, his blood-filled eyes sprung open, eyeing his surroundings. Soon, he would jump up and search for his bags of cocaine that he had left in his pockets, but little did he know then, that drugs did not exist in Hell.
The addiction, the longing for drugs, has taken over his mind. Like an outrageous chiwawa, he started barking into the nothingness as if someone has taken away his favorite toy; not realizing that a vivid individual appeared in front of him.
“Charlie. It’s enough.” The figure said calmly. Charlie, the addict of any possible drug, stared at the man. At this instant Charlie grabbed the man by his collar, shaking him, crying out: “Did you take them!? Where are they!?” and let go. He walked around hysterically, in hope of finding his precious belongings.
“Charlie, I am Heath Ledger. You might know as ‘the guy who died of drug overdose’.” Heath fixed his collar, trying to talk to Charlie. Charlie ignored Heath as if they’ve never seen each other. Suddenly, Heath carefully took Charlie’s arm and led him to a rocky wall a few meters away from where they were standing.
“Do you know why you’re here Charlie? You’re here because you are able to change your life and not end up in Hell. You know who told me to guide you? Your children. Your children pleaded me to help you out and open your eyes.” Heath exclaimed in an angrily tone. Biting his lips, Charlie looked at him with his vivid gaze.
“A-aren’t you dead?” is all he could get out of his mouth while chewing on his lips. Heath nodded, staring down into the distance. Charlie’s face lost its colors but slowly regained itself by the strong wind that suddenly appeared.
“Let me ask you something, Charlie. Are those sex orgies worth anything? Not only are you harming your children, but you’re harming yourself too.” Heath asked monotonously. “Heath, I’m not addicted… Not addicted to anything!” his animal-like eyes set on Heath.
“Yes, you are. Addicted to sex! Addicted to drugs! Addicted to alcohol! You ruined your life. You will soon see why you’re here. Stare into the distance, not me, and then tell me what you see.” Heath raised his voice like a lion does when he growls.
Both are staring into the distance. One knowing what will happen, the other going to have a surprise. While waiting, Charlie started playing with his fingers impatiently. “Charlie…It’s almost there.”
Charlie could not believe his eyes. A humongous tornado appeared in front of them. “What are those voices?” Charlie asked Heath. “Those… those are the crying souls that will be swept away for eternity because they let their passion sweep them away in life. If you don’t change Charlie, you’ll end up here.”
Confused. Astonished. Scared. Those were the looks which Heath could identify in Charlie’s face. As the tornado swayed to them, they pulled Charlie in; Heath smirking, thinking to himself: “Hopefully this will change him”.
“This must be a dream. This can’t be true!” Charlie thought to himself. The men in the gigantic whirlwind pushed Charlie around, teased him, ripped off his hair. Painful screams echoed in Hell. Charlie looked at his watch: 3.23 am.
His eyes opened wide as the lost souls ripped out hair by hair; nose hair, chest hair, his hair on the head. One by one in a quick movement. “What if my children could see me now? I feel humiliated.”
He was at the bottom of his stamina. He had enough. He wanted to quit. There was only one problem: You cannot “quit” Hell. You are in Hell forever and only few could ever escape it when they’ve been sent to Hell.
He looked at his watch again. 3.24 am. It’s as if he was captured and tortured for eternity, but only one minute passed. His chest being cleared of hair at one side, and the other one equaling the chest of a bear. The hair on his head equaled a flat-down Mohawk. Furthermore, his nose started bleeding and he squeaked in pain.
As the tornado swept past Heath, the suffering souls threw Charlie out. “Did you learn your lesson?” Heath asked parenting, curious to know what the souls did to Charlie that made him suffer this much.
“Y-yes. I will let myself get checked into rehabilitation. This is tough!” Charlie exclaimed with crazy eyes. “I don’t want to experience this another time!”
“You think that was hard? There are worse punishments than you could ever imagine. Let me warn you Charlie. If you make the same mistakes again, I cannot guarantee you that you will be sent here when you die. You might just end up into the much lower levels, which have much worse punishments.” Heath smirked at him and left into the rocky mountains, leaving Charlie behind.
As Charlie closed his eyes, catching his breath and trying to forget the pain, he found himself in his filthy house, laying on the floor with a bottle of whiskey in his hands and the telephone on the other. Opening his eyes in disbelief he found himself back home.
Epilogue
After Charlie checked into rehabilitation, he was clean for two weeks: no alcohol, no smoking, no aggressive movements against anyone. Back then he thought he’d make it through, but little did he know that Satan wanted his soul badly in his treasure box.
Charlie got back to his old self and got his job back, but he had a yo-yo effect: he got back to being a drunk bastard with no sense of knowing what’s wrong and right. The moment he’d die, he would get sent to a far worse level than Circle 2. He was warned, but didn’t listen.
Satan is waiting for you Charlie and there is no way how you can escape this time.
